NURSING HOME FUNNY

Ever since Dad was admitted into the nursing home, he would say the darnest things. 

Dad: Last night I got into a fist fight with the Government. 

Mum: Who?! 

Dad: People from the Government. There were five of them.

Dad (proudly): I fought one against five. And I won. 

*** 

Dad: Last night I came across two large parcels wrapped up with newspapers. I looked closer and saw that there was movement under the newspapers. I then realise there were humans inside! 

Me: Oook … 

Dad: I keep wondering … 

Me: What about? 

Dad: I keep wondering where you can find such big pieces of newspapers. Large enough to wrap a human being. 

Me: Do you know who were under those newspapers? 

Dad: One of them was YOU! 

Me: Me?!

Mum: (bursts into laughter)

Dad: How did he lure you inside? 

Me: Who lured me where? 

Dad: Him (points to an elderly patient who shares the same ward). Both of you were under the newspapers. 

Me: Could you be dreaming? 

Dad: If I was, then it was one absurd dream. 

*** 

Dad: I had eggs for dinner tonight! 

Me: Did you enjoy them?

Dad: Very much. The egg whites were the colour of egg yolks. 

Me: Do you mean steamed eggs?  I bet they were delicious! 

Dad: Yes, yes … they were smooth, and fragrant, I doubt you can make them at home. 

Me: Yup, it takes skill to produce good steamed eggs. 

Dad: It took 24 hours to stew them. On the rooftop (points to ceiling). 

Me: They cooked the eggs on the ROOFTOP? 

Dad: Yes, I saw them do it. 

***

Lunch time on Sunday 

Dad: They cook the rice well in this place. See here (points at the cooked rice on his plate), it looks hard but it is actually quite soft. Every grain is cooked to perfection. 

Mum: That’s good. 

Dad: They cook the rice for 3 to 4 hours here. In fact, they should be cooking the rice for dinner right about now. 

Me: It’s only lunch time, Dad. 

Dad: I know. As I said, the rice like this at least 3 hours to cook. They cook them on the rooftop, using the power of the electric fans on the ceiling. I think these people are brilliant!

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