Monday, 6 February 2012

Chillicrab and the mysterious 冠头移

Monday morning. Chillicrab notices that a few colleagues are “missing” from the office - they are all home nursing the ‘flu. Looks like Chillicrab isn’t the only one in the office who collided with the big bad bug!

During lunch hour, Chillicrab is picking out fruits in the supermarket (with the ‘flu bug going around everyone in the office could do with a dose of Vitamin C) when an Auntie approaches Chillicrab and enquires, “请问冠头移在那里?” Chillicrab thinks the ‘flu medication is making her dense because Chillicrab has zero idea what "冠头移" is!

“移!移! 冠头移!” Auntie gestures in exasperation until Chillicrab is almost certain Auntie is after some kind of fish. At this point, a supermarket attendant finally intervenes and tells Auntie, “罐头鱼放在前面第二排.” Auntie gives a huge sigh of relief and thank attendant profusely, while Chillicrab wishes she could crawl (sideways, of course) into obscurity.

Thursday, 2 February 2012

WANTED: TERMINATOR


Awoke at 5AM.  Badly needed to pee.  Sat on the toilet bowl, still half asleep. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw it! Rubbing its feelers together gleefully and grinning at me from the towel rail in the vilest manner. I was suddenly awake as fear gripped me and I told myself, "Quick! Finish peeing and get out before it comes any closer!"

Even at five in the morning I was able to plot my next moves: flush, wash hands, (no, don’t even bother to switch off the bathroom lights!) then make a dash for the safety of my bedroom. Close the door and all will be well. The darn roach must have read my mind because it lifted its wings just as I starting running.  Before I could shut the bedroom door fully it already followed me inside! I gave a terrified yelp and leapt outside! At that very moment, my mother appeared in the darkened hallway and, by the faint light emitting from the bathroom, watched the animation without amusement.  “It’s only an insect," she observed.  “It’s a COCKROACH! And it’s in my bedroom!” I squealed.

She switched on the lights and surveyed the bedroom. My mother is courageous in the face of evil. “It isn’t here anymore.”

Convinced that the vile creature is still well concealed and lying in wait, I quickly gathered my pillows and went to sleep in my parents’ room. :)

I need an exterminator! 我要请杀手!

How do cockroaches make their way up to my 35th floor apartment?  My globetrotting French boss has a theory about this.  "You know they don't fly direct, don't you?" speaking like a true frequent flyer.  "They make stopovers.  First they fly to the 6th floor, rest, then up to the 15th floor, then 20th floor, etc .."  Maybe he is right.