Wednesday, 8 April 2015

ALL CONKED OUT

Took a day off yesterday to accompany my father for an eye test. He’ll be undergoing cataract surgery on Apr 21.

Dealing with one parent is frustrating. Going out with two is downright exhausting. The appointment is at 9:20AM.  If I were on my own I'd probably have left around 8:50AM but Dad is prone to anxiety attacks so we planned to leave home at 8:30AM to catch a cab.  At 8AM I was in my bedroom changing when Mom knocked on my door.

Mom: Your father says he wants to leave a little earlier. He wants to walk over to the taxi stand across the road.

I was ready by 8:10AM but my parents showed no sign that they wanted to leave. So I waited. We left home at 8:25AM.

Me (to Dad): Do you still want to walk to the taxi stand?

Dad:  I intended to take a walk to the taxi stand IF we get out of the house at 8:15AM but it’s TOO LATE! Since you refused to leave, I WILL NOT WALK TO THE TAXI STAND NOW!

Me: (WTF, he's in hysterics already!) No worries, I’ll call for a taxi now.  It'll just take a minute.

The tests went very well. We were done by 1PM.

Me: What would you like for lunch Dad?

Dad: Anything is fine.

Me: How about going to the hospital food court?

Dad: (Made a face)

Me: How about Han’s?

Dad: (Shook his head)

Me: How about porridge at Square 2?

Dad: OK

We rode the crowded hospital elevator.

Mum: Are we going up, or down?

Me: Down

Mum: Are you sure? Down?

Me: Yes

Mum: Are you sure we should be going down, not up?

Me: Yes and we’re here. Let’s step out.

Mum: (Not moving)

Me: Mum, you need to step out first so I can wheel Dad out.

Mum: (Not moving)

Me: (Gesturing with my hand): Out! Out!

Mum: (Stepping out) Why are we taking the wheelchair with us to lunch?

Me: We’re not. Let’s just leave this crowded lobby then decide what to do next, ok?

Mom: Will they allow us to wheel your Dad all the way to the café?

Me: No, we have to leave the wheelchair here.

Mum: So why is your father still in his wheelchair.

Me: I’ll just wheel as far as the hospital exit.

Mum: I don’t know what you mean! Where are we going now?

Me: Just follow me, Mum.

We arrived at the hospital exit.

Me (to Dad): You need to get out of this wheelchair now that we’re stepping out of the hospital.

Dad: I know.

Mum: Nooooo! You should push him right through to the café.

Me: We can’t, Mum. The wheelchair belongs to the hospital. We’re leaving the hospital now. Dad has to walk across to the mall.

Dad: (Stepping out of wheelchair).  I know, give me a hand.

Mum: Nooooo! You can push him through to the mall, can’t you?

Dad and Me: Cannot!

Mum: I saw someone push his wheelchair right through! I just did! We can do the same!

Me: No, Mum. I don’t care what the other person did. The sign (I pointed) here says this is as far as hospital wheelchairs go.

Mum: (Getting worked up) But I JUST saw that man push his wheelchair right across!

Dad (to Mom): Why can't you just read the sign??

Mum: Tsk!  I didn’t see the sign mah!

We stepped inside the overcrowded café.

Me: There isn’t a seat inside. Are you fine with eating outside, Dad? Too warm?

Dad: Fine here. (Dad settled himself at table outside.)

Mum: Nooooo! It’s too hot outside.

Me: Shall we eat elsewhere then?

Mum: Nooooo! Your father wants porridge.

Mum and I went back inside to look. We found a table that has 4 seats. Two of the seats were empty.

Me: Look, Mum. There are two empty seats here. Why don’t you and Dad sit here? Meanwhile, I’ll go queue for food. With luck the other seats would be available by the time I return.

Mum: But there are only two seats ...

Me: It'll be fine.  You and Dad sit.  I'll order food.  When I come back, the other two seats will be available.

Mum: ...

Me: Mum, why don’t I chope these two seats. You go bring Dad back in here.

Mum: (Not moving)

Me: Mum, go get Dad.

Mum: (Spaced out)

Me: MUM! GO GET DAD!

People were staring. Who is this bitch barking at her own mother?

Mum: Ok.  I want curry sauce.

I came back with food. The other seats had become available.

Mum: We need spoons. And don't forget the curry sauce. Where’s our coffee?

Me: Our drinks are on another tray but I could manage only one. I’ll go get the other tray now.

I went to grab the 2nd tray and returned to find Mum helping herself to the curry sauce.

Mum (mutters):  I told you I wanted curry sauce ...

Me:  (Hell, it is as if I'm starving you or something!) Here, let me do it.

I returned with 2 plates of curry sauce.  Dad doesn’t like spicy food, I thought, so 2 should be sufficient.

Mum: Only two??! Where’s yours?

Drove me bonkers, I tell you.  Too drained to utter a word for several hours afterwards. Sure glad I don't have kids.  I don't think I can deal with both kids AND parents at the same time!

No comments: